Dale Yu: Essen Week Report
Well, it’s Essen week. You really shouldn’t be reading this, you know… You should be going over to Rick’s page and catching up on the latest and greatest from Essen! But while you’re here, let me tell you a bit about my favorite restaurant in Essen, the Istra. The Istra happens to be the location of the annual English-speakers dinner(s) after the fair closes each night. For most people, there is either a love or a hate relationship with the restaurant… Why?
Some people love the Istra because it is a haven for the English speakers at Essen. It’s a place to relax, catch up on news about games, hang out with old friends and get a nice bite to eat. Additionally, it’s close to the convention hall as well as many of the hotels in downtown Essen. That part of the story is easy to explain.
But why do some people dislike the Istra? Let me recount what happens each year at the restaurant. Generally, the group saunters in between 7:00 and 7:30. Though the fair closes at 6:00, usually it takes a bit of time for the exhibitors to pack up their games and get out of the convention hall.
When you arrive at the restaurant, you’re brought back to the back room which is usually reserved for us. The waiter(s) come by at random intervals to take your drink orders.
This proves to be an adventure in itself… Most of the service staff there appears to be Middle Eastern or Eastern European in descent. Whatever their background, it certainly seems that German isn’t their first language. Additionally, speaking/understanding English is certainly not part of skillset either.
So, you try to order in German (which is likely not your first language) and they try to comprehend it. Something gets scribbled down on a piece of paper and the waiter whisks off to the kitchen. Drinks eventually come, and by the time they show up, you’re usually so thirsty you’ll drink anything that is put in front of you. Well, unless you get Greg Schloesser’s drink of choice, the “spit-zee” which is a mix of cola and orange drink.
The mere thought of that is enough to make my stomach turn. And if i’m going to put at the Istra, it’s going to be due to Slivovitz, not Fanta.
Anyways, you’ll peruse the menu, which is basically a permutation sheet of meat.
Each entree is numbered, and there is a vague description of what might be included in the meal. Generally, you just find something that has the appropriate number of cutlets, skewers, roasts, minced meat, steaks, etc… Then when the waiter comes back, you order you dish, usually by the number. I myself am a fan of the 110. Why? Well, I can muddle my way thru “ein hun-durt und zain”. And it has a nice selection of sausages, skewers and french fries. However, I’m not sure if I’ve ever eaten the 110…
You could also take this time to see if you want to try to qualify for the “Big Meat” Club.
No, it’s not what you think… The main way to qualify for this is to order one of the family platters and consume it with only half of the recommended number of people. And you must consume copious amounts of alcohol in the process. Unfortunately, unlike the large American steakhouses, they will not offer you the meal for free if you’re able to complete this gluttonous task.
While you wait for your food, you realize that 70 of your friends are in the room.
What better time than now to get up and mingle? So once everyone has ordered, there is a mass unplanned Chinese Fire Drill. Almost no one ends up in the same place as where they started. Now when the poor Istra servers come back in the room, they have no idea what food goes where.
But that’s OK, because in my experience, they don’t know what numbers are associated with what dishes… They know that on their tray are a #25, #110, and #107. However, when you ask them which dish is actually the #25, they look at you as if you’ve asked a question in a language that they don’t understand. Eventually, you’ll give up trying to understand what you’re eating, and accept a plate meekly. They’ll put it in front of you, and you’ll decide to eat it because you’ve been waiting over 90 minutes for the food anyways.
Your neighbors will look longingly at your food because there is no rhyme or reason to how or when the food is brought out. The dinner plates will arrive over a span of at least 90 minutes. The time that you ordered the food doesn’t matter. In fact, even if you and the fellow next to you both order a #110 at the same time from the same waiter, it would not be surprising to have them come out 30 minutes apart. You may not notice this delay however.... while the food is slow to come out, the 4,50 Euro pints of beer seem to magically show up on time once the meal / rain delay has started.
So how to make the most of the Istra? I’d recommend sitting closest to the entrance to the banquet room as this side is also closest to the kitchen. You’ll get a good chance to see all the dishes as they come out of the kitchen. When you see something that looks good, just raise your hand and have the server come over? Mumble something at him and nod your head as if you know what you ordered. Then hurry up and eat it before someone realizes that you’ve taken their ordered meal. You don’t need to have that much pity for them as everyone will get a dish. It may not be what they ordered, but my guess is that only about 60% of the people there get what they order.
Don’t let my diatribe scare you off of the Istra experience though. It’s always a blast. It’s a great evening spent with friends. You can catch up on gossip, learn a bit about the new games, and usually see the breasts of one of the Brits (usually a male) along the way.
My eyes are still scarred from the antics from last year! And don’t forget to remind all the Brits that the San Francisco 49ers suck. [I have yet to understand why – but some of the Warfrog guys are devout San Francisco 49ers fans.]
But be prepared to spend 2-3 hours there at the restaurant. And it’s best just to have somewhere between 25-35 Euro ready. Since everyone ends up eating communally, the easiest way to figure out the bill is to take the total and split it. Is that fair? No, not at all… But it’s what always happens. The concept of splitting checks is unheard of at the Istra. And anyways, seeing their efficiency at distributing dinner plates to the right place, you can only imagine how successful they would be at matching checks to diners.
FANTASY FOOTBALL UPDATE
I think by this point in the season you can guess how it went this week.
KIDS GAME OF THE WEEK – Taking a break this week
Taking a break this week from the kids reviews. It’s been a real busy week at work, and I frankly barely have enough time to get this online. Sorry!
Until your next appointment,
The Gaming Doctor
Posted by Dale Yu on Oct 18, 2006 at 03:00 AM in Columnists, Dale Yu / 1490
