Game Review: Quartile

By W. Eric Martin
June 19, 2008

Publisher: SimplyFun
Designer: Stephen DeChellis
Players: 2-6
Ages: 5+
Playing Time: 30-45 minutes
Price: $40
Rules Language: English

“So how was school today, Melanie?”
“It was fine.”
“Is that it? Fine? Here, I’ll place this tile next to the starting block to score 10 points.”
“Hmm?”
“Ten points, Dad. Ten.”
“Got it.”
“Yeah, it was fine. Nothing big, nothing different – just fine.”

"Your turn, Ma. Well what kind of homework do you have?”
“Just some history. Reading about the birth of the auto industry and answering questions. I already did the fractions on the bus.”
“You’re still on fractions, are you? Your turn, Ma.”
“Don’t rush me, I’m thinking.”
“There are only two tiles on the board, Ma. How much do you have to think about?”
“I’m just trying not to make a mistake.”
“So you’re still on fractions? What’s next?”
“I looked ahead in the book, and we still have reducing fractions and repeating fractions. Lots of fractions left.”
“Mom.”
“Okay, fine, I’ll play this 12 right here.”
“You can’t do that, Ma.”
“What, why not?”
“The pips where the tiles touch have to add up to the number in the middle of the tile you just placed, not the tile already on the board. See, if you rotate this tile, then...”
“I get it, I get it. Now get your hands of my tile. Fine, I’ll rotate this tile. Now give me 12 points, Walter.”
“Twelve points.”
“Thank you, Nana – I’ll place this 9 tile between the wild starting block and your 12 to score 18 points.”
“Very good, sweetheart!”
“You’re so good at this, Melanie.”
“It’s not really that hard, Nana.”
“Still, you always do well.”
“Your turn, Dad.”
“Hmm?”
“Dad, stop drawing kites and take your turn.”
“All I have is a bunch of crap.”
“Dad!”
“Well I do – how am I supposed to win if everything I have is less than 6? Even if I get double the score, which I can’t, I’m still behind all of you.”
“Maybe you’ll draw something better after this turn.”
“I doubt it. Fine, I’ll take my 5 points. Now I better get something – okay, fine, an 8. That’s really going to pave the road to victory, isn’t it?”
“Dad, it’s not about winning, right? It’s about playing, about being together.”
“If you say so.”
“Well it is. Mmmm – okay, I’ll play this 7 here for 14 points.”
“For the luvva Pete!”
“C’mon, Dad, it’s just a game.”
“I know, I know, but all I’m doing is setting up someone else. I just wish that I drew something worth playing. Otherwise, why am I here?”
“I keep asking myself that question, dear.”
“Ha! Good one, grandma.”
“Har de har har. At least let me get the paper to read while all you geniuses play your fancy big-pointed tiles.”
“C’mon, Dad, we need you to keep score.”
“I can still keep score, but you’re not playing. Play first, then I’ll keep score.”
“I’m thinking, Walter, don’t rush me. These wood tiles just feel so good.”
“Well, I’m getting the paper while you build a fortress or whatever it is you’re doing.”
(Griping and moaning continues for 25 more minutes. Walter, having drawn tiles that are worth fewer points on average than those of everyone else, does indeed finish in fourth. Quartile is returned to the closet until next week when the grandparents will visit again. Maybe next time, Walt!)

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