Greg J. Schloesser: Too Much Gaming
Gaming is a wonderful hobby, as it brings folks together to enjoy fun times, interesting challenges, light (perhaps sometimes fierce!) competition, and, most importantly for me, each other’s company. I cannot imagine my life without gaming playing a significant role. It brings such joy to me, and some of my best memories with friends revolve around the gaming table.
However, one must be careful. Like many other things in life, gaming can become an obsession, sometimes to the detriment of family, health and other important activities. It can easily begin to dominate one’s time, and soon one is devoting dozens of hours per week not only gaming, but pursuing other game-related activities. How much time do you spend reading game-related forums on the internet? How much time to you spend writing session reports, reviews, articles, or commentary? How much time do you spend playing online computer games? Unless your spouse is an active participant, all of this time is spent AWAY from him or her. Over the long-run, this can lead to trouble in the marriage, and take away time from other important activities.
Lest I sound too much like a preacher, I am guilty of many of these same things. For awhile, I spent WAY too much time gaming and with game-related activities. I really pressured myself to participate on as many game-related forums as possible. I must admit that part of this was selfish, as it is cool to see one’s name in print and to get recognition. For several years, I also kept track of the number of games I played. Not that this doesn’t’ have some merit and usefulness, but I began to view it as a contest with myself. If I didn’t play as many games in one year as I did the previous year, I felt something was wrong and I was somehow slipping. Eventually I realized just how absurd this mindset was, and how it was actually detracting from my enjoyment of playing games, which is FAR more important.
My game acquisitions have also slowed. I now realize that “bigger� isn’t necessarily better. I don’t have to have every game that is released; nor do I have to continue to own every game. Frankly, just how many games does one person really need? SO many of my games get played rarely, if ever. I honestly don’t believe I need 1000 games in my collection, and I’ve been actively whittling down the number of games I own. I don’t have a final target number in mind, but I do realize that I can part with many of my games without much angst or regret.
While I probably still spend too much time writing reports and reading forums, I have cut back considerably. I am frankly worried about some folks, however, who seem to let gaming dominate their lives. This is difficult to talk about without sounding “preachy� or come across with a “My way is better than your way� attitude. I also don’t want any of this to sound as harsh criticism, or ungratefulness, towards the folks who contribute avalanches of information to various forums, or to those who game incessantly. It isn’t, as I do enjoy the writings and contributions of these folks. However, I’m honestly worried for some folks and the possible consequences of their obsession.
My worry stems from the opportunities lost, and the potential damage it may be doing to other aspects of one’s life, particularly if one is married. From what I read and understand, many of the folks who claim to play games multiple times each week are married, and most of them apparently have children. From reading their reports and commentary, the vast majority of this gaming time is done WITHOUT their families participating. For some of these folks, the time spent playing games each week could be in the double-digits. That is a significant amount of time to spend away from one’s family … and I am only talking free or recreational time here. If you are already spending 8 or more hours apart each day due to jobs, that doesn’t leave a lot of “awake� time to share. The spouse may say it is “OK� … but is it really? Married couples do need some time away from each other for numerous valid reasons, but spending that much time apart just doesn’t seem healthy over the long-term.
Let’s talk about other possible activities, too. Is gaming your ONLY responsibility or activity? Do you have other interests or obligations? What about family outings and vacations? What about church and related functions? What about extended family and friends? Do they deserve some of your attention or time? I know I answer this question with a definitive “Yes!� If one is spending huge chunks of time each week gaming and associated activities – reading, writing, listening to podcasts, etc. – then how much time is being left-over for these other important aspects of one’s life? I don’t want my family, friends and church to be a “left-over�.
Now, I’m not trying to be all high-and-mighty here. I LOVE gaming, and get a tinge of disappointment and pining whenever there is a big gaming event occurring that I am not attending. However, I simply cannot attend them all, not only for financial and job-related reasons, but also because it would be taking me away from time with my family, other friends, and church. I firmly believe one must strike a healthy balance between all of the aspects and activities that vie for one’s time and attention. One must prioritize. As much as I enjoy gaming and cannot imagine my life without it, it would come far down on my priority list when I factor in family, friends and church.
© 2006 Greg Schloesser
Posted by Greg Schloesser on Mar 25, 2006 at 08:10 AM in Columnists, Greg Schloesser / 2737
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Yes, perhaps life is like a game of T&E. One needs to carefully seek balance in all the areas. Posted by Mike Doyle on Mar 25, 2006 at 09:26 AM | #
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Heresy! Playing games is everything! :-) Fortunately, my partner and child are both gamers, so much of my game time is also family time. We’re slowly converting our extended families as well. Posted by Chris Shaffer on Mar 25, 2006 at 10:41 AM | #
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I feel like I must have sparked this column off, to some degree, with my own ramblings here on BGN about the state of the hobby in my own life. My apologies if this isn’t true, but it certainly is an interesting coincidence, and will give me a bit of a chance to give a more balanced picture than I gave before. Not to worry, Greg, my family and marriage are doing well, and the balancing act is not so one-sided as it seems at first. What podcasts I don’t listen to from work, I listen to as I sit at the table and write or make player aids, etc. while the kids are with me doing their homework. I don’t enjoy TV, so there is no time lost there. My wife often joins me when i travel to cons, and will be there this April. My kids and I game together at least once a week, and my wife games with my Friday-night group. This means that only my Monday-night gaming is family free, and still, not always even then, as they sometimes join me. Like Chris, a lot of my family time, is gaming time. True, there are times I travel to cons without her, but they are becoming more rare. I don’t have a lot of time left for other activities and hobbies, but I am OK with that. I am normally a one-hobby kind of guy, and boardgaming is far more inclusive to other people than the other hobbies I had in the past anyway. Gaming has, in fact, introduced me to a wide array of people, and I have a close group of friends that I see frequently, and a wider group of friends spread all over the US that I see occasionally. Before becoming a boardgamer, my circle of friends was in decline, as I am not the kind of guy who keeps in touch with his childhood friends or college roommates that he no longer has anything in common with, so gaming has given me much more than it has taken away. Honestly, my “hunger” column was originally written to give myself a bit of perspective as I was feeling a bit sorry for myself for missing PrezCon and Gulf Games. I wrote it to show myself how much gaming I did already and that I didn’t really need to take *every* opportunity that came my way. Of course, i did it perhaps just a little too tongue-in-cheek, if the self-depreciating humor was entirely lost. Posted by David Fair on Mar 25, 2006 at 11:47 AM | #
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I think Greg was talking about a much bigger situation that goes beyond any column on BGN---I mean, we’ve all seen it: people who spend hours *away* from their family, gaming or reading BGG or whatnot. As someone who is from time to time too obsessed with games, I understand his concerns. They cross my mind, too, and re-wielding the balance is an important thing to do. In a way my obsession is a *little* bit okay, because I’m single and not denying my time to an immediate family. In another way, the obsession is less okay. This is difficult for me to explain, but here goes… depending on the strength of your obsession, you might, on a regular basis, spend hours every single week gaming with people you only barely know. This is fine except that, in this particular situation that doesn’t apply to every group, you and they never bother to get to know each other better. There doesn’t seem to be any point, no social context; you all are here just for the games. It’s like a chess club, only with more wooden cubes, and loses its more intimate social characteristics. There is another important note: this feeling of social estrangement didn’t apply during BGG.CON, nor does it apply (obviously) when I’m gaming with close friends. During BGG.CON, whoever I was gaming with, even if I didn’t know them at all, I felt much closer to and more satisfied socially with. I’m not sure why, but I think that there is an extra socializing context to both situations that wasn’t present during the game-a-thons I used to be involved with. With BGG.CON, you share a common interest that is outside of merely playing games. Granted, this common interest involves gaming in general, but it expands past the begin and end of the next Tigris & Euphrates game. You also had a lot of time and opportunity to do other things with people---talk about various subjects, eat dinner and lunch with them somewhere other than in front of a game board, drink at a pub and watch Irish dancing. With particular kinds of cut-and-dried gaming clubs, there is no time for extra socializing opportunities, because doing that would waste time when you could be playing games. I think, after BGG.CON, I was more aware of the loss of social context when it came to gaming that I’m driven to when the obsession calls. It used to be that Puget Sound was a fairly good barrier when it came to driving to Seattle and gaming all weekend long; now there’s other things. David and others like him are very fortunate in that gaming really does reinforce bonds for him---with family and friends. Gaming that does not reinforce bonds is quite alright and very common, but let it take up 40+ hours out of every month, and then it’s a worry. I am not a professional gamer, and so I have had to ask myself these questions. To me, the heart of gaming is that it is a social affair shared among people. That I had been straying farther away from that ideal is a bit ironic. I understand that this need for introspection does not apply to everybody, even for those who might have a situation similar to mine. I still think gaming is a worthy hobby to have, but I have been trying for more balance for the past several months now, and think that some things that have happened to separate me from constant gaming are actually good things in disguise. Greg’s column touches upon the reasons for that effort, and is something I never expected to see out there on a gaming website. Posted by Ava Jarvis on Mar 25, 2006 at 12:56 PM | #
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Greg, An outstanding article. I have only 23 games in my collection (and I think that is great variety).... and myself and friends get together only about once a month for a boardgame night. Even then, boardgames only consume a fraction of the evening and we look to bring out lighter choices that will have wide appeal.... Monopoly, Mystery of the Abbey, Scotland Yard etc. My friends who come always are varied. I am the only one who participates fully on a monthly basis. My wife participates about 80- 90% of the time. Most of my friends that are a part of this… usually are in about one game night every three months. If I need more...if I participate outside of my close friends, I have some friends that are dedicated “gamers” who play weekly. They are great, and fun people when I want to play deeper games, such as Diplomacy or Conquest of the Empire. But I have to agree with you. While I can’t criticize others for doing it, I personally would have a problem with playing games that often. Or owning more than 40 games. It almost becomes like watching too much TV, you know? Get out on that mountain bike, go snorkeling, play some flag football, sip a fine wine or just plain travel..... and yes, get together some friends on occasion and play a boardgame. In life, it is the myriad of experiences which make living it memorable… boardgames a great social and mental exercise for you and your friends. But a well-wrounded life for me… involves doing all of the other things as well. A potentially controversial topic, because it can come off sounding “preachy"… but you handled it very well. Posted by Ryan Bretsch on Mar 26, 2006 at 12:15 AM | #
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