Jennifer Schlickbernd: Ask Ms. Meeples – Don’t Do Unto Others

Let’s kick off the column with this week’s question:

When I’m playing board games with my friends, they have the following rule: If someone forgets to count points, pick up cards, or do other actions that could benefit them, no one is “allowed” to tell them without facing a penalty themselves. I hate this rule! Especially with my friends who are relatively newer to games that I’m really familiar with, I hate knowingly ignoring opportunities for them to play more competitively. How can I encourage a more friendly/collective behavior among my gaming friends?

You need to find out why they are doing this, pronto. Three reasons come to mind:

1. They feel that the best way to become competitive is to punish people who help.
2. They want to keep the games moving along with as little table talk as possible.
3. They may be doing this because of a specific person they feel is too dependent on the group or another person to help. For example, I had a previous column where the father was constantly doing his daughter’s turn. This rule would appear to stop that behavior in its tracks.

Make it clear to them that you want to play games to get better at the gaming and that you enjoy helping others get better, too. When you are punished for trying to help someone else or someone is punished for helping you, it can cause you to be apprehensive about how you play. Apprehension in board gaming is not fun, and will often lead people in this situation to quit. You can also mention that you are reluctant to bring new players into the group because this rule will be intimidating to them.

See what happens. Honestly, I would never play under those rules and hopefully you won’t continue to have to either. If you are in or close to a major city, see whether you can find other people to play with if this group won’t bend.

Tip of the Week

My rule number one for playing board games is to make sure that everyone else at the table is having a good time. Rule number two is to make sure I’m having a good time. If you can follow these two rules, you can really improve your gaming sessions. Sometimes this will involve taking some risks and being a little vulnerable when you express your feelings. Sometimes this will mean that you play a game you don’t really want to play but others do. Sometimes this will mean that while you could make a killer move that would destroy a newbie, you don’t because he or she wouldn’t feel very good about the game or you after you were done.

Clarification

I don’t mind answering questions that are not directly related to gaming etiquette because etiquette is hard to define in our 21st century. However, I didn’t want to answer the question about whether or not someone should buy games at their FLGS for two reasons. The first is that there is really no answer to that question that I can provide. There are reasons to buy from an FLGS and there are reasons to buy online. Those reasons are personal, which brings me to the second problem I had with that question. I want to answer questions that have a broader applicability. While certain situations may appear to be unique, I hope that most people can relate to at least part of the answers that I can provide. Answers that can help only the person asking them aren’t as attractive to me.

So that brings me to the end of the column today. A little short I realize, but I really want to keep to one question and one tip a column. And please as usual send me questions at askmsmeeples@gmail.com! Comments on today’s column welcome as always!

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