Jennifer Schlickbernd: Ask Ms. Meeples – Want Cheese With That Whine?

Please send me questions!! As you can see from previous columns, in no way do I divulge who you are or even where you are unless you include that information in your own signature as part of your question. And if you know me, still send in questions – just use an anonymous email from Gmail or Hotmail if you are more comfortable with that. I’ll continue to write tips, even without questions, but the questions are way more interesting, even if sometimes off-target, as with the following…

...Anyway, I’m torn between supporting my OLGS (only local game store) and buying more games at lower prices. Do I (or should I) have some moral obligation to support it?

From the introduction to my column: “If you have questions about gaming etiquette, you can send them to askmsmeeples@gmail.com and Jennifer will answer them.”

So this question is outside of what I plan to cover with this column. I touch on ethical issues, but I’m not an ethicist per se, and this is somewhat of an ethical issue. It’s also a financial issue, and I’m not a financial person, so I will have to pass on this. This conundrum has been discussed previously on BoardGameGeek.com, so search the forums on that site for ideas on what to do. Moving on…

….There is one person at the meetings who doesn’t show up every meeting but to maybe half of them. The player complains about “Being ganged up on”, “Bad dice rolls”, “Unclear rule explanations”, etc. The complaints are almost a non-stop barrage of “Woe is Me” attitude, whether the player is winning or losing. I have seen a few other gamers openly and pointedly tell the player to quit complaining… to no avail. Complainer just points to the dice and loudly insists you look and agree that nobody else has rolls that bad. Any kind of logical statement, regarding the bell curve affecting everybody the same, just falls on deaf ears and results in more pointing at the bad roll or whatever the complaint is regarding.

I have also seen, during game selection, folks jockey to get into other games that the Complainer is not interested in. It seems everybody is aware of the problem but avoids it as best they can or just tolerates it when they cannot avoid it.

Unfortunately this person probably has issues outside of gaming which you are not going to be able to fix, so the best you can do is actively avoid him, as in when he sits down at your table, you say clearly, “I don’t want to play with you because I can’t stand all the complaining,” then go off and play something else with someone else. You don’t have an obligation to make him feel okay about what he’s doing. If he gets upset, then say, “You’ve been asked to quit complaining and you refuse, so I refuse to play with you.” Some people don’t realize that there is no rule in life that says people have to play with them no matter what kind of jerks they are. In my opinion, everyone has an obligation to be sociable, and if they can’t do that, they shouldn’t play. There have been times when I’ve not felt well enough to be properly social and I’ve gone home from a play session. Give this a shot and remember that your time is valuable and you don’t have to waste it playing with people who are not fun.

The following is a comment from my previous column regarding table talk. I wanted to address it as a continuation of the previous discussion.

…Occasionally, though, the talk will drift from general kibbitzing into manipulation. I’m not sure where the line is, but it is not much fun to play in a game where one or two players are trying to pressure other players into doing things that will hurt one player and benefit themselves. We almost lost a player once because he was consistently a strong player and some of the others at the table would start saying “Get X!” before the game had really even had time to develop. It’s one thing to take on the table when you’re the leader; it’s quite another to have to always take on the table just because you generally play well. I don’t blame him for being sour, and even though I wasn’t the target it definitely diminished my enjoyment, too. Luckily we got past that, but things were ugly for a while.

I’d be interested in Ms. Meeples’ take on table talk that has that mean-spirited flavor. Are there types of table talk that aren’t fair?

Pressuring players to play a specific way is certainly a problem….my local con had to stop 1830 tournaments for a while because of all the strongarming going on during a specific tournament. Puerto Rico can have this problem, too, and it’s not much fun to be either the subject of the strongarming or a witness to it. I don’t know if this is a clear gender issue or not, but I notice that men do this a lot more than women – in fact, I can’t think of a game in which a woman tried to pressure someone into playing a certain way but I know plenty of men who have.

What you need to do is to clearly say when you are uncomfortable with it, whether you are the target or are just participating in the game. You can also scatter the pressure by asking other players what they think about the pressuring player’s suggestion: “Chris, do you think it’s the best thing for Daniel to make that specific move?” This will lead to more strategy discussion with all the players, and it sounds like you are okay with that. Unfortunately, as you’ve seen, things can get pretty heated if not stopped early, so try to say something as the pressure is beginning. Otherwise it can become a full-blown fight and that’s never good. Take the comments as they come instead of attributing a negativity that may not be there. That’s what happened at that 1830 tournament that blew up; some of the players took the pressuring personally, then everything went downhill from there.

The other thing that is happening in your group is that a player is being singled out before he can even start playing. What I’ve done to settle this a bit is to use some humor: “Okay, we’ll all just concede to Bruce and then play a pretend game where Bruce actually may not win.” That usually defuses the situation to the point where at least the other players are aware that the strong player deserves a fair chance, too.

There is no question that table talk can be divisive, mean, attacking and/or personal, but there’s no reason it has to be that way. If you can keep the discussion focused on the game with participation by all or nearly all of the players, you’ll go a long way toward keeping the game fun.

Comments welcome as usual!!

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