Scott Tepper: Looking into the Crystal Ball…

Using my vast industry knowledge and deep insider connections, I’m going to give my readers a preview of some of the news stories we can expect to see in the next 12 months:

Jan. 15
In a move to fundraise, Eric Martin announces a calendar of BGN contributors.  The picture for each month is a photo of a different nude BGN journalist, with bits from games artfully covering the naked bodies.  $10,500 is raised from people to prevent the calendar from being released.

Jan. 22
Reiner Knizia will release 35 new games during the upcoming year.  None of them will win the Spiel Des Jahres.

Feb. 3
A Geeklist pops up on Boardgamegeek entitled “Fickle Friends”.  The list takes quotes of BGG users and shows how their comments can be contradictory and even hypocritical.

Feb. 9
Days of Wonder comes out with a limited, 2000 copy edition expansion to Battlelore, entitled Riders of Lindsay Lohan.

Feb. 28
Bruno Faidutti branches out and designs an abstract strategy game entitled AntiChaos. 

Feb. 29
Newspapers around the world report that flying pigs are sighted in the sky.

Mar. 5
The New York Times breaks the story that Rick Thornquist is actually a covert spy for Wizards of the Coast.

Mar. 11
Aldie spends 48 hours of straight programming so that Boardgamegeek users can browse the BGG database virtually using 3D goggles.

Mar. 12
BGG users complain that 3D goggles are too expensive.

Mar. 21
Mayfair releases Settlers of Detroit.

Apr. 3
Amigo Spiele releases Slapdashibohne.

Apr. 14
Universal Studios begins production on the movie, Meeples Wide Shut, about the secret goings on inside the Gathering of Friends.  George Clooney is slated to star as Alan Moon.

Apr. 26
A Geeklist appears on BGG entitled “Pushin’ Itâ€?.  The author describes several BGG members and their habits that the author finds annoying, but refers to them by altered usernames, so that it can be argued that the Geeklist is not about real people.

May 5
Days of Wonder comes out with a rare expansion to Battlelore called Magealicious that is only available through the Days of Wonder website.

May 19
Fantasy Flight releases Twilight Imperium IV.  The box is 2 feet by 2 feet by 4 feet in length.  You need a handcart to carry it out of the store.

Jun. 13
Phalanx produces Governance.  A team of 6 artists were commissioned to do the artwork.  The rules include a toll-free number for a cryptographer to aid in deciphering the lettering on the gameboard.

Jun. 28
Rio Grande Games releases Carcassonne: The Duckbill Platypus & Dodo Bird expansion.

Jul. 5
A Geeklist called “Jerky Bitsâ€? is introduced on BGG that pokes “funâ€? at world leaders and 2 BGG members.  The author doesn’t refer to members by their usernames, but rather makes up thinly veiled usernames.  A BGG administrator issues a request to the author to remove the items about the BGG members.  The Geeklist author responds by making a post that BGG is practicing censorship and that BGG would be nothing without its contributors.  Several forum posts whine about censorship.

Jul. 17
The Spiel Des Jahres awards award winners are released.  Reiner Knizia is announced to have created the winning game, which is surprising in that none of his games were nominated.

Jul. 18
The SDJ award to Reiner Knizia is revoked when it is discovered that Knizia fans had broken into the SDJ database and manipulated the results.

Aug. 4
The Ultra-Rare Battlelore expansion, “Elves are a Santa’s Best Friend”, is released at Gencon, Indy.  It is available only to convention attendees.

Aug. 30
Ystari releases their new game, Yssyyssy.  When you dip any of the game bits into water, the water spontaneously becomes wine.

Sept. 8
Zoch produces a game called Morewood.  The box includes a large block of wood, goggles, a bandsaw, sandpaper and paint.

Sept. 16
The Chicago Tribune reveals in an interview that senator and presidential hopeful, Barak Obama, enjoys playing Caylus.

Sept. 17
3000 men and 10 women wearing t-shirts reading, “Power to the Meeples”, join the Obama for President campaign.

Sept. 24
The Super-Ultra-Rare Battlelore expansion, Voluptuous Vixens, is released on Richard Borg’s birthday.  The only way to acquire the expansion is to say the correct password to Richard.

Oct. 1
Friedemann Friese releases the game, (F)envy & Fury.  The entire box and all of the pieces of the game are differing shades of green.

Oct. 11
Aldie spends 96 straight hours of progamming so that BGG users can actually become games.

Oct. 12
BGG users complain that becoming games is too realistic and they don’t win enough.

Oct. 18
17 new Sudoku games are introduced at Essen.

Nov. 5
Days of Wonder releases Jeweler’s Pride, a game that is encrusted with Swarovski crystals.  Even though the game retails for $395.00(US), it sells out immediately.

Nov. 10
Tom Vasel posts a review of Jeweler’s Pride where he reveals that he plucked every one of the 7031 crystals off of the game to discover that underneath he found Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Nov. 12
A riot breaks out at BGG.con when Aldie asks a participant to check his machete, flamethrower and machinegun at the reception desk.  Aldie is accused of being a despot.  The armed attendee declares that people should be able to police themselves and that preventing him from carrying weapons impinges on his inalienable right to bear arms.

Dec. 3
10 members of Boardgamegeek split off and start a new website: Boardgamehumor.com

Dec. 4
The number of Geeklist and forum posts on Boardgamegeek are reduced by 35%.

Dec. 11
BGG sees its new membership numbers increase faster than ever before as new members are able to find information about boardgames more quickly now that 98% of the content is game-related.

Dec. 15
Boardgamehumor.com starts posting advertisements for Tampax and Viagra so that the website can stay afloat.

Dec. 20
Dale Yu puts up a valiant effort, but ultimately concedes defeat in the first annual BGN Poetry Smackdown.

Dec. 30
Days of Wonder announces that the expansions to Battlelore released during 2006 will no longer be tournament legal.

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