Boardgame News

The Classic Misadventures in Gaming #17

By Dan Bosley
August 24, 2006 (Originally Posted on August 6, 2003)

I’ve found to my dismay that my non-gaming friends don’t like to learn how to play games that they’ve never played before. It’s somehow threatening to them if they have to both listen to and absorb rules to a new game. They much prefer playing games with which they are already familiar. In their opinions, new games are hard and bad and often hurt the brain. Old games they already know are easy and good and don’t hurt the brain. Or something like that.

Ted and Alice have invited Diane and I over to their place one Saturday night. And I have been requested to bring a game. Not a bunch of games. One game. Just one. And it has to be a game that they have played before. Alice is very clear about that when she is talking to Diane on the phone. “Make sure it’s not a new game. We don’t want to learn a new game. We want to play something we already know. Dan’s always bringing over new games, and they always have too many rules, and there’s too much to learn, and they’re too hard. Tell him it has to be a game we already know.�?

That, of course, somewhat limits my selection.

I consider Settlers of Catan. We have played that classic game with them twice before. However, not only have we played it twice, but I have also had to teach it to them twice. In a one-month period. The first time I explained how to play Settlers to them, the instructions seemed (to me) to take forever. But, to be fair - the game was completely new to them - Ted and Alice are simply not “gamers�? at all - so a lot of the concepts in Settlers were totally foreign to them.

But then, a month later, I bring Settlers back again. Silly me. I thought I could just give them a quick refresher on the rules, and away we go. But no. It is not meant to be. Neither of them can remember ANYTHING about how to play the game. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Goose egg. Zero. “Are you sure we ever played this game before?�? “It looks vaguely familiar. Kind of. I remember a game with the board being made of pieces. Is this it?�? “There’s so many pieces, how am I ever going to keep track of everything?�? “You know, at least Monopoly has a board that stays the same. How can we play a game where the board is different every time? It’s very confusing. It’s a lot better when things stay the same.�? “It’s good to see that this game has dice. A lot of the games you’ve shown us don’t have dice.�? “That’s true, isn’t it? I like dice in a game. I like being able to shake things.�? “There’s no money in this game. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.�? “Look at all these different cards. Why are there sheep on here? Shouldn’t they be diamonds and hearts and clubs and spades?�? “You know, that reminds me, we don’t play enough card games. Card games are good. We should play Oh Hell after this. Now that’s a game that we know is good.�? “Yeah, it seems all the games Dan brings over always have lots of pieces of wood and cardboard and funny cards, and lots and lots of rules.�? “And why are these cards so small, anyway?�? “Say, aren’t these sticks the same ones from that other game with the trains? I know what we can do with these....�?

I have to explain EVERYTHING again. EVERYTHING. It’s as if some alien brain-wipe had taken place five seconds after we left their house the last time. POOF! - all knowledge of Settlers of Catan is magically erased! Who needs useless information like that? Clear the brain for more important stuff! Erase, erase, erase! Make room for ANYTHING else! Game rules, b...o...r...i...n...g! Clear the way, clear the way!

So - I think I won’t bring Settlers this time. I have no particular desire to teach it a 3rd time.

Hmmmm, something a little simpler in terms of rules, perhaps.

Split? This is not a “German�? game, but a recently revised Parker Brothers card game. Ted and Alice HAVE played it before. It can be an enjoyable, VERY light card game. Notice I said “can be.�? Not “is.�? I suspect that most of the gamers in my gamers’ group would probably not care for it at all (not their “cup of tea�?), but for non-gamers, it should be a pleasant way to pass an hour without any heavy-duty thinking required. Should be.....

Except......

When we DID play Split before with Ted and Alice, it was totally and utterly PAINFUL for ME. The game is a simple card game, basically a simplified rummy variant, with pairs of cards being the “sets.�? The deck consists of 104 cards (two regular decks). They are printed in such a way that each card is half of a “big card.�? Thus, if you have both of the 7 of clubs, when laid down side by side, they form a new, bigger 7 of clubs card.

The game is not hard at all. The decisions you do have to make are usually pretty obvious. There is some opportunity for skill, but it’s certainly relatively minor, at least in comparison to most of the games I play with my gaming group.

However, when Ted and Alice and Diane and I had previously played Split, Alice seemed particularly puzzled by the whole game. And because of her puzzlement, the game went on and on and on and on and on.

In the game of Split, depending on the type of match you make with your pair of cards, you get to do a certain action immediately afterwards. For instance, if you make a “strong�? match (a pair of cards the same colour, but not the same suit: a 7 of spades together with the 7 of clubs, for instance), you then get to draw another card if you so wish. You don’t have to draw another card. You MAY draw another card. Or not. Your choice.

So - Alice goes and makes a strong match. She lays the two cards on the table in front of her. Now comes the big decision. Should she draw another card? Should she? Or shouldn’t she? Should she? Or shouldn’t she? What if she does? What if she doesn’t? What if the card she draws doesn’t match any other card already in her hand? What if it does? What if it matches one of the cards in the discard pile already? What if the big hand is on 12 and the little hand is on 3? What if she picks up a card making another strong match? What will she do then? Would she have to decide on picking up yet another card? What if she doesn’t draw a card, and then wishes she did? What if we don’t have dessert later? What if she draws the card and then regrets it? What if someone else goes out before she gets to play anymore? What if there is an earthquake and we don’t get to finish the game? What about a meteor strike? They happen, you know. That would make quite a mess. What if she accidentally picks up two cards? What if the card she picks up would start a chain reaction, allowing her to go out and win the hand? What if it doesn’t? What if she picks up a card that will allow her to make a perfect match? What if it’s only a weak match? What if it’s a card that she could use to make any of a weak or a strong or a perfect match? What would she do then? What if Dan and Diane go home before she decides what to do?

And on and on and on and on and on. Time keeps on ticking by, and still Alice hasn’t picked up a card yet. But Ted can’t take his turn yet either, because Alice hasn’t decided what she is going to do. Her turn’s not officially over yet. And until she HAS finished her turn (take a card, don’t take a card, decisions, decisions....), Ted’s turn can’t start.

Alice frowns. And she starts to rearrange the cards in her hand. Again. And again. And stares at them a bit. And then rearranges them again.

I get up and go watch a Seinfeld rerun on TV. It’s one of the funnier episodes, coincidentally enough, the one where Jerry and Elaine and George and Kramer all decide to play a game of Amazing Labyrinth. What transpires during the episode is hilarious of course, and even though I’ve seen the episode before, I still laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and then laugh some more.

When I come back to the table at the end of the show, Alice is still thinking furiously. Should she take a card? Should she end her turn now? What if she picks up just a lowly two? She’d must rather have a face-card than a two. Face-cards are worth much more. Unless you manage to get to the end of the score column, of course, because then twos are worth just as much as any other card, even aces. What if she makes things more difficult for herself by taking the extra card? Then she’d be upset at herself. Would it be better to not take a card? She’d have one less card in her hand, then, and that’s one less negative points-box marked off on her scoresheet if someone else goes out. But what if she herself could have gone out if she picked up the right card?

Ted is passed out in his chair. Diane is reading a magazine. I go back and watch some more TV. They are showing “Gone With The Wind.�? I watch it.

I check back in with Alice. Still thinking. Still thinking. What if it’s the nine of hearts? She really doesn’t need the nine of hearts. If it’s the nine of hearts, then she’s really going to be stuck. She don’t have any nines at all, and picking up a nine, any nine, would just be a complete waste of a turn. It would not be good, not good at all. Now, if it was the ten of spades, that would be a whole different story. A ten is a card that Alice could definitely use. She already has the other ten of spades. If she picked up the other ten of spades, then she would have BOTH ten of spades. That would be a perfect match! She could lay them down on the table. But then, when you make a perfect match, you have to give another player some negative points. Who would she pick on? She really doesn’t want to pick on anybody. Why does this game make you pick on somebody? She doesn’t really want to give anybody negative points. So maybe she shouldn’t hope that it’s another ten of spades. If she can’t make a perfect match, then she doesn’t have to make anybody else lose points. That’s pretty nasty. On the other hand, who’s winning? Alice isn’t sure if anybody is winning yet, as it’s only her first turn, and nobody has scored anything yet. Hmmm, she thinks, let me see...., let me see......

Meanwhile, Ted has gone to bed. Diane has gone home in the car, so I am forced to walk. “Bye, Alice,�? I say, and walk home.

I decide not to take Split this time.

After a bit more deliberation, I finally decide on Metro. The four of us had played Metro a few months back, and Ted and Alice both seemed to like it. And even if they’ve forgotten all the rules to the game, which is likely, knowing them, it’ll still be a lot quicker to re-teach them the rules to Metro than it would be to re-teach them the rules to Settlers.

So Metro it is.

After dinner, Ted says, “So what game did you bring this time, Dan?�?

“Metro.�?

“Metro? Have we played that one before?�? he inquires.

“Yes, we did, a couple of months ago. It’s the game where you are placing tiles with train-tracks on them, and you’re trying to make the longest possible routes for your trains. The longer and more convoluted, the better.�?

“Yeah, I think we did play something like that. It sounds familiar, anyhow. Let me see the box.�?

I get the box and hand it to him.

“Yeah, yeah, I think I do remember this. This is the game that you won both games we played of it last time, right?�? Ted asks.

“I don’t remember,�? I say, because I really don’t remember if I won or not.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m positive you won,�? Ted says confidently. “Hey, Alice, remember this game, where you have to make train tracks, kind of like a maze, and the longer your train-tracks are the better?�?

“No,�? says Alice.

“Oh, sure you do,�? says Diane. “You’ll remember when you see it.�?

Alice shrugs her shoulders. “I guess so,�? she says.

Ted says, “This is the game that Dan won both times we played it last time. He always wins this game. That’s probably why he brought it.�?

“Hey, hey,�? I say. “First of all, I don’t remember if I won or lost playing you guys last time. And second, I have certainly lost my fair share of games of Metro. And third, I brought it because it’s easy to learn and easy to play.�?

“Well of course you’re going to say that,�? comments Ted. “In this game, you get to place a track anywhere, right?�?

“Just about anywhere, for the most part, with a couple of exceptions.�?

“But you’re allowed to finish someone else’s track for them, right?�? Ted questions.

“Yes, you are,�? I agree.

“Good,�? says Ted. “I’m going to finish all your tracks for you. That’s my personal mission,�? announces Ted. “My personal vendetta. There’s no way you’re going to win this time,�? he says.

“That’s not really the objective of the game, Ted,�? I say. “You should be trying to win the game. Your main objective should be to maximize the length of your own tracks. After all, that’s how you win - by having the overall longest tracks, which then give you a higher score than anyone else. Trying to stop or slow down somebody else should really only be your secondary goal. And, hey, besides, we haven’t even started playing yet. Are you going to pick on me anyhow even if I’m in last place?�?

“Yes,�? says Ted. “I don’t care what place you are in, or what place I am in. I’m going to take you down. There’s no way you’re ever going to win this game again, not if I’m playing against you. I’m going to finish all your tracks for you as short as possible. That’s my goal. I’m not going to let you win this game no matter what. You are going to be the king of the short tracks, so there, Mr. MetroMan!�? Ted laughs.

Swell, I think. I should have brought Split......

To be continued.....

Posted by Rick Thornquist on Aug 24, 2006 at 06:21 PM in Special Features, Misadventures in Gaming / 1270

The Classic Misadventures in Gaming #17

Comments: