The New Misadventures in Gaming #13

By Dan Bosley
February 23, 2006

I ask Dave if he can come back in a couple of hours, and we’ll get his banner all fixed up for him.  Fortunately he can, no problem.

Dave leaves, and I take the banner in hand and go downstairs.  Donna is in the computer layout and design room.

“Oh, Donna,�?  I say.

“Yes, Dan?�?

“Remember that banner on Friday, the Now Leasing one with the phone number?�?

“Yes, what about it?�? she inquires.

“Well, there’s a bit of a problem with it,�? I tell her.

“There is?  What?�?

I hold out the white banner and let it unroll, revealing the blue Now Leasing letters at the top of the banner, and the invisible white letters of the phone number at the bottom of the banner.

Donna does a double-take.  She looks shocked.  Just like I had been only a few minutes earlier when Dave had first presented me with the problem banner.

“What happened?�? she exclaims.

“That’s what I would like to know,�? I reply.

“This doesn’t make sense,�? she says.  “That wasn’t the layout I did.  Ryan is the one that actually put the lettering onto the banner.  You’ll have to ask him what happened.�?

While she is talking, she has gone over to the “done and ready to be invoiced�? basket.  She pulls one of the orders out of the basket.

“Here it is, I haven’t brought it upstairs yet.�? 

She turns the work order over to the back and shows me.  There is a printout of her finished layout on the back of the order. 

The order originally called for all blue letters on a white banner.  Donna has exercised her creative license, and rather than have all-blue lettering over the entire banner, she has made the phone number at the bottom half of the banner white lettering on a blue rectangle background.  Nothing too exciting, especially with a banner as simple as this one, but it highlights the phone number a little better.

“See,�? she says.  “There is supposed to be a blue rectangle behind the white phone number.�?

“I see,�? I say.

The fact that Donna has changed the layout from how the original order was written is no big deal.  Many of our customers rely on us to do their designs for them, and Dave is one of those customers.  The design is still blue and white, as Dave asked.  It just looks a bit better-looking than with all plain blue on white.

“I don’t understand how Ryan could have done this,�? Donna says.  “All he had to do was flip the work order over and see the printout.  How could he have stuck white letters on a white banner and think it was right?�? asks Donna.

“I intend to find out,�? I tell her. 

Donna helps me roll the banner back up again.  Then I take it in one hand, and the order in the other hand, and head out to the back shop.

Ryan is working at one of the tables.  I approach him.

“Ryan,�?  I say.

“Yes?�? he responds, looking at me, and then at the rolled-up banner in my hand.

“Do you remember this banner that you did on Friday?  The Now Leasing one with the phone number?�?

“Yes,�? he says.

“You were the one who lettered it?�? I ask.

“Yes,�? he says.

“And.....�? I say.

“And what?�? he asks.

“Did you not think there was something odd about it?�? I suggest.

Ryan looks puzzled.  He doesn’t appear to know what I am talking about, and his brows furrow.  “I don’t remember.  I don’t think so.�?

“Here, help me unroll the banner,�? I tell him.

We unroll the banner and lay it out on the table. 

There it is, in all its glory.  Blue “Now Leasing�? at the top.  White phone number on the white background at the bottom.

“Well?�?  I ask.

Ryan looks at the banner, and then looks at me.

“I don’t know,�? Ryan says.

This is not the response I am expecting.

“You don’t know?  You don’t know?�? I ask, somewhat incredulously.  “You don’t think there’s something wrong with this banner?�?

Ryan looks at the banner again.

“Well...�? he says, “the phone number is a little bit hard to read.�?

That is somewhat of an understatement.  I raise an eyebrow, Spock-like. 

“No,�? I tell Ryan.  “The phone number is not a little bit hard to read.  The phone number is impossible to read.  Go stand over there.�?  I point about 15 feet away. 

Ryan does so.

“O.K. , now you’re at a reasonably close banner-viewing distance.  What’s the phone number on it?�? I ask him.

Ryan squints.  And squints again. “Umm, I’m not sure.�?

“You’re not sure?�?

“Uh, no, I can’t read it from here.�?

“Oh.  I see.  Can you read it from further away?  As if you were in a car driving by and you saw this banner on a fence?�?

Ryan backs up a bit.  Presumably as if he were in a car driving by and the banner was on a fence.  “Um, no.  I can’t read it from here either.�?

“Come back here,�? I order.

Ryan returns to the table with the banner.

“So?�? I ask.  “You see the problem with this banner?�?

“I guess so.  You can’t read the phone number.�?

“That’s right, Ryan.  You can’t read the phone number.�?

“Well, it’s not my fault,�? Ryan defends himself.

Both my eyebrows go up.

“It’s not your fault?  Didn’t you letter this banner?�? I inquire.

“Yes, I did.  But I only lettered it with the letters that Donna gave me.  She gave me white letters, so I stuck them on,�? Ryan explains.  “It’s her fault for giving me the wrong coloured letters.�?

I bite my tongue.  Then I say, “All right.  All right.  So she gave you white letters, and you just stuck them on, is that right?�?

“Yes, it’s her fault, that’s what I did.�?

“O.K.  O.K.  Now, I want you to think back to Friday.  Can you do that?�?

“Yes,�? he says.

Actually, I’m starting to doubt that he can.  That’s some 72 hours ago, and probably an eternity in Ryan’s little world.

“All right,�? I say.  “So you are sticking these white phone number letters onto this white banner.  Now, at any time, do you stop and think to yourself, hmmm, it sure is hard to read this.  I wonder if someone made a mistake?  Did that thought ever cross your mind?�? I interrogate him.

“No....I just thought that was the way it was supposed to be.  Donna’s the one that gave me the white letters.�?

“You didn’t think to yourself, boy, is this ever hard to read, maybe I should ask somebody, or get a second opinion?�?

“No, I guess not.  I was just doing my job, following the order.  I just figured that was what the customer wanted, and that’s why Donna gave me white letters,�? Ryan informs me.

“Well,�? I say, “that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.  Did you look at the work order?�?

“Yeah,�? Ryan.  “I did on Friday.�?

“Let’s look at it now,�? I suggest.  I lay the order out flat on top of the banner.
“What’s it say at the top here?�? I ask, pointing at a line on the order.

Ryan reads it.  “It says blue lettering.�?

“I see.  And what colour is the phone number lettering?�?

“It’s white.�?

“And what does the work order say about the lettering?�?

“It’s supposed to be blue.�?

“And blue is not the same as white, is it?�?

“No,�? he agrees.

“So, let me get this straight.  You are here on Friday, looking over the work order to see what it is you have to do, and you see that according to the front of the work order, this banner is supposed to have blue letters, but what Donna has given you are white letters.  So - do alarm bells go off in your head?  Do you not pause and say to yourself, hmmm, there is a conflict here in what the order says and what Donna has given me.  I wonder what I should do about it?  Maybe I should ask Donna?  Did that thought not go through your head?�?

I look at Ryan.

Ryan is looking back at me with a rather blank look on his face.  He doesn’t answer.

So I continue.  “So rather than ask someone about the discrepancy, you just decide that you were given white letters, and you’re going to stick them on the white banner, is that correct?�?

“I guess so,�? Ryan agrees.

“Did you read the order?�? I ask.

“Yes, yes, I did.�?

“But you didn’t see any discrepancy in what you read and what you were given?�?

“No, I guess not,�? Ryan says.

“But the top half of the banner - where it says “Now Leasing�?, those letters ARE blue, aren’t they?�? I continue my cross-examination.

“Yes, yes, they are,�? Ryan agrees with me wholeheartedly.

“So did that give you pause for thought?  Why are some letters blue, and some letters white?  Did you think about that?  Did you wonder why?�?

“Nope,�? admits Ryan.  “Those are the colours Donna gave me, so that’s what I stuck on.�?

“Was there a blue rectangle that Donna gave you, too?�? I ask.

“A blue rectangle?�? Ryan seems stumped.

“Yes, like a square, only wider.  When Donna gave you the blue vinyl with the words “Now Leasing�? on it, wasn’t there also a big blue rectangle with it?�?

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that, and I kind of wondered what it was for,�? Ryan advises me.

“You saw the blue rectangle?  And what happened to the blue rectangle?�?

“I think it’s in the garbage.�?

“In the garbage.  And how did it get in the garbage?�?

“I guess I, I guess I put it there,�? admits Ryan.

“And why?�? I continue my grilling.

“Well, I just sort of thought it was extra vinyl that Donna was wasting,�? Ryan explains.

“I see.  You didn’t think that perhaps the white phone number and the blue rectangle might go together?�?

“No.  Why would I?�? responds Ryan.

I turn the work order over to the backside, where the colour layout that Donna had printed and stapled to the back of the work order is.  I hold it in front of Ryan’s face.  Blue Now Leasing.  White phone number in a blue rectangle.

He looks at it.  He looks puzzled again.  “I’ve never seen that before,�? he claims.

If I had three eyebrows, I would raise all three of them.

“You didn’t flip the order over to look at the layout?�? I ask unbelievingly.

“No,�? he says.

“How long have you worked here?�? I ask.

“Four or five months.�?

“And what is always on the back of the work orders?�? I demand.

“Usually layouts showing what the sign is supposed to look like,�? Ryan explains.

“But you didn’t flip this one over?�?

“No.�?

“So - you stuck the letters onto this banner, without knowing what the layout was supposed to look like?  You just figured white letters on a white banner must be right, is that it?�? I continue.

“Well, it looked O.K. to me, and Donna didn’t tell me anything, so I didn’t know, so it’s not really my fault, and I was just doing my job, “ Ryan rambles on.

Suddenly the door between the computer layout room and the back shop opens.  It is Lee, from upstairs.

“Dan,�?  he calls out.  “Your gamebag upstairs is ringing.�?

“I’ll be back,�? I tell Ryan.

I run upstairs.

My gamebag is ringing?  Merchants of Amsterdam has a countdown clock, and Pit has a bell, and Electronic Catchphrase has an annoying high-toned shrilling, and Pass the Bomb ticks, but I haven’t packed any of those games this time.  My gamebag should not be ringing.

Unless....

And suddenly it all becomes clear.  On the drive into work this morning in the dark, when I slammed on my brakes, and my cell phone and lunch bag went flying, I just assumed they had both hit the floor of the truck.  But I was wrong.  Only my lunch bag had.  With the sudden stop and with inertia in play, my cell phone had slid along the top of the gamebag and had fallen into the open side pocket at the end of the gamebag.  A pocket I never use since it’s too small to conveniently fit games into.  A pocket I never think about.  And that’s where my cell phone landed.

By the time I get upstairs, my gamebag is no longer ringing.  But I dig in the pocket at the end of the bag, and sure enough, there’s my cell phone!  What a relief! 

I am about to go downstairs again to deal with Ryan, but the radio is playing softly, and I hear “It’s time once again to play the Name the News Leader Game!  The seventh caller in will get to play.�?

That was amazingly close!  If my cell phone hadn’t rung in my gamebag when it did, and Lee hadn’t come down to tell me, I would still be downstairs trying to understand how Ryan could have put white letters on a white banner, and I would have missed my chance to call into the contest.

I sit at my desk, lift the telephone receiver off the rest, and punch the speed-dial button for the CKNW contest line.

There’s a couple of clicks - and then it is RINGING!  It isn’t a busy signal.  The phone is actually ringing. It’s ringing, it’s ringing, it’s ringing!

And then someone on the other end picks up, and I hear, “Hello, CKNW contest line, you are caller number seven!�?

I can’t believe it!  I am through!  I am in!  I am caller number seven!  I am going to play the Name the News Leader Game!

“Just hold for a minute while we get through these commercials.  What’s your name?�?

Fortunately, I know the answer to that question, and tell him.

“O.K., great, Dan, we’ll be back to you in a few moments.  Hang in there.�?

And then I am listening to the commercial through the radio. 

I am SO excited.  I can hardly believe I got through.  But I did.  I am on the radio and I am going to WIN!  I know it!

And then - I AM on the radio.

Suddenly I am struck with fear and doubt.  Sometimes in the past, with clips that seem too tough to guess, the radio station will suddenly play a new, different one, having decided that the old one was just too hard and that no one would ever get it.  What if that happens here?  What if they decide the “We’re not going to sacrifice - “ clip is too hard, and they switch to a brand new one that I have never heard before?  I’m doomed, I know it, I know it!  Here I am already to answer, and they’ll change the question!  I start to hyperventilate.

“O.K., we have Dan all ready to play our Name the News Leader Game.  Here’s the clip, Dan.  Give a good listen, it’s a tough one.�?

And I hear “We’re not going to sacrifice -�?

“Any guesses, Dan?�? asks the radio host.

I can’t speak.  I’m in panic mode.  My tongue won’t work.  My throat is dry.  I can’t talk.

“Are you there, Dan?  Let’s play the clip again, and give you one more listen before you guess.�?

And I hear once again, “We’re not going to sacrifice -�?

“Your guess, Dan?�?

And suddenly I breathe easy and my voice comes back and I manage to say into the phone, “Bob Rich.�?

There is a split second of silence.

And then through the radio I hear horns and sirens and fireworks and noisemakers going off!

“Congratulations, Dan, you got it right!�?  The radio host is all excited too.  They have a winner!

“We have a winner!�? the radio host says.  “Would you like to know what you’ve won, Dan?�? he asks me.

As tempted as I am to be an intelligent posterior and say no, I instead squeak out, “Yes!�?.

And I win a round-trip flight for two anywhere in the world that Alaska Airlines flies.

I am so excited.  I hang up the phone and then pick it up again, and call my wife and tell her.  She gets all excited, too.

Then I run throughout the building and tell everyone.  “Hey, I’m a winner, look at me, look at me!  I’m a winner!�?  I’m skipping and dancing and feeling rather happy.

I’m going on a trip, I’m going on a trip.

In my happy mood, I decide to give Ryan one more chance.  I won’t fire him unless he screws up again really soon, really badly.

I fire Ryan three days later.

© 2006 Rick Thornquist

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