The New Misadventures in Gaming #3

By Dan Bosley
June 12, 2005

Editor’s Note: For those of you just tuning in, check out the first and second parts of this story in The New Misadventures in Gaming #1 and The New Misadventures in Gaming #2.

Back on Mayne Island, Bob and Carol and Barbie and Diane and I are all stunned.  Ken has actually finished all his one-ing with the ball and has thrown the ball at the pea.  It lands about 2 feet away.

“O.K,�? says Ken.  “Next player.�?

“I have no idea who the next player is.  Were we playing a game?�? asks Carol.

“I don’t remember,�? I say.

Bob looks at Ken.  “Sorry, Ken.  I was counting my freckles.  You were saying something?�?

“I said it’s the next player’s turn,�? Ken responds.

“Player’s turn for what?�? asks Carol.

“To throw the ball.  At the pea.  Like I did.  I’m winning so far, by the way.  My ball is only a couple of feet away,�? announces Ken.

“What pea?�? asks Bob.

“What do you mean, what pea? That pea,�? Ken says, pointing at it.

“I don’t feel like it,�? says Carol.

“What?�? asks Ken.

“I don’t feel like it.  I’m exhausted,�? Carol informs Ken.

“Exhausted?  How can you be exhausted?  You haven’t done anything,�? Ken informs her.

“I’m exhausted from watching you become one with the ball.  I don’t feel like playing anymore,�? states Carol.

“I don’t either,�? says Barbie.

“I’m kind of tired, too,�? says Diane.

“How’s your freckles, Bob?�? I ask.

“Not bad.  This one’s moving, though,�? Bob tells me, indicating a small freckle on his forearm.

I look closer at it.  “That’s a bug, Bob.�?

“Oh, you’re right, thanks,�? Bob says, and flicks it off.

“All right, you guys.  I get it,�? says Ken. “You think I took too long, so you’re just trying to get back at me.�?

“Oh, no, oh no, we’d never do such a thing,�? says Bob.

“Pooh-pooh on that, Ken,�? says Carol.  “I’m just thinking now would be a good time to start getting dinner ready.�?

“Whatever,�? says Ken.  “I get the message.  I think you guys are just chicken to face a little real competition.�?

“You’ve scared us, Ken,�? I tell him.  “I was beginning to think that you were never going to throw the ball.�?

“Fine, fine, make fun.  Do you make fun of the people you play your games with, too, when you play them?�? Ken asks.

“Whenever possible,�? I answer.

We all head in, cook dinner, eat dinner, drink more drinks, relax.  I note that Ken seems to have imbibed several more beers than the rest of us.  His motor skills are starting to deteriorate.  And his mental skills may be in trouble, too.

The sun is going down.  Time for indoor gaming.

“So,�? Carol says to me.  “Before you teach us any new games, how about we play The Bucket King again?  That’s a good one.  I think Ken and Barbie will like it.�?  Ken and Barbie have never played The Bucket King before.  Ken and Barbie have pretty well never played any game before.

We all sit around the table.  Ken is to my right, sitting at the head (or the foot, depending on your point of view) of the table. 

This copy of The Bucket King belongs to Bob and Carol.  I’m always the game-rules explainer with our non-gaming friends for obvious reasons, because I’m the guy that brings the games and has played them before.  99.99% of the time, they have never even heard of the games I bring to the table to be played.

But not this time.  This particular copy of the game belongs to Bob and Carol.  They are the ones that own this game.  So they are going to be the ones to explain how to play the game. Yes they are.  Yes indeed.  Together.  Tag-team game explanation. Talking over top of one another, in their excitement to get all the rules out in 30 seconds or less.  Or some of the rules, anyway.  Maybe.

“You get all these buckets, you see, and you arrange them however you want in rows�? says Carol.

“You get these cards, and they have animals on them,�? Bob explains.

“Put your weak buckets at top and your strong buckets at the bottom,�? Carol commands.

“You play cards and you have to have a bigger total than the guy next to you,�? says Bob.

“Just one bucket on top,�? says Carol.

“If you can’t play any more cards, then you lose a bucket.  Sometimes a bunch of buckets.�?

“That’s right,�? says Carol.

“When you lose all your buckets, you lose the game,�? Bob informs all.

“You have to play the same colour cards,�? Carol tells everyone.

“It’s sort of like rummy, but different,�? Bob says.

“More like Uno,�? says Carol.

“All you have to do is play cards so you don’t lose buckets.  Easy,�? announces Bob.

“O.K., let’s play,�? Carol says.

“Wait,�? I say.

I know how to play the game, and after that explanation, I no longer do.

“Just be quiet, Dan.  This is our copy of the game.  Let us explain for a change,�? Carol lectures me.

“Fine.  Fine,�? I say.

“We can explain the rest as we go along,�? says Carol.  “Let’s just start playing.  Ken and Barbie will catch on fast.�?

Ken has arranged his buckets in 5 rows.  The top row has 3 green buckets.  The 2nd row has 3 yellow buckets.  The 3rd row has 3 blue buckets.  The 4th row has 3 red buckets.  The 5th and bottom row has 3 grey buckets.

“No, that’s not right, Ken,�? says Carol.  “Weren’t you listening?  I didn’t tell you to do that.  You don’t put them all in a column like that.  You’re supposed to have more buckets on the bottom than at the top.�?  Carol shakes her head.

Ken doesn’t say anything, but starts to rearrange his buckets.  Now he has 2 rows.  Ten buckets on the bottom, and 5 buckets on the top.

“No, no, no, Ken,�? admonishes Carol.  “Pay attention this time.  I said just one bucket on top.  It’s got to be in a pyramid shape.�?

“You never told us that before,�? says Barbie.

“Yes I did, get the wax out of your ears, sis,�? Carol tells her.

Barbie looks at me. 

“Well...�? I start to say.

“DAN!�? Carol says loudly.  “Bob and I will explain the game.  You just pretend you’ve never played before.�?

I pretend.

“In a pyramid shape, Ken, in a pyramid shape.  One bucket on top, then two buckets, then three, then four, and a bottom row of five.  What’s so hard about that?�? Carol asks.

“I don’t know,�? Ken says.

Ken studies his buckets. 

“Are you becoming one with the buckets, Ken?�?  I ask him.

“No.  I’m not becoming one with anything tonight,�? Ken states.  Ken gulps back a large swallow of beer.  Then he burps.

“Nice one, Ken,�? Carol comments.

Ken gazes at his fifteen buckets, idly moving them back and forth into different positions on the table.  He puts them into a circle-shape, and then he carefully picks up one bucket at a time and holds it up in a couple of inches in front of his eyes.  He squints at each one, and then puts them back down on the table, and arranges them into the proper pyramid-shape. He takes his time, making sure they are all aligned ever so symmetrically. 

Carol is looking at me.

“Well?�?

“Well what?�? I ask.

“What’s your problem?�?

“I don’t have a problem,�? I tell her.

“Yes, you do.�?

“I do?�? I ask.

“Well, you must.  You’re not doing anything.  You’re just sitting there.�?

“What should I be doing?�? I inquire. “Is there something I should be doing?  Should I be drinking?�?

“Oh, don’t be daft.  Pay attention.  See, Ken’s finally doing it right.  So why aren’t you?  You’re not doing anything.  You’re just sitting there.  Why aren’t you making your pyramid?�? she asks.

“Because you haven’t dealt out any cards yet,�? I tell her.

“Oh, that’s right, Bob forgot.�?  Carol reaches over and messes up Ken’s pyramid into a big jumble.  “You shouldn’t have made your pyramid yet, Ken.  You’re always rushing things.�?

“What are you doing?!�? Ken exclaims.  “I just got them the way I want them!�?

“You jumped the gun, Ken.  You’re always doing things like that.  You can’t make your pyramid yet.  You have to wait for the cards first,�? Carol admonishes him.

Ken looks at her and takes another swig of his beer.

“Deal the cards, Bob,�? Carol commands.

“I can’t remember how many,�? says Bob, and looks at me.

“Twelve,�? I say.

“NO!  Don’t say it.  Pretend you don’t know,�? Carol orders.

“Forget I said that, Bob,�? I say.  “Pretend you didn’t hear me.�?

“What?�? asks Bob.

I ignore that.

Bob starts to deal out the cards.

“What are you doing?�? Carol asks him.

“Dealing out the cards,�? Bob says.

“You don’t know how many to deal out yet,�? Carol says, as she picks up the rules.

“I think it’s twelve,�? says Bob.

“No, it isn’t,�? says Carol.  “Let me look it up.�?

“Well then, I’m just going to guess twelve for now.�?

“No, you shouldn’t guess.  Let me look it up first,�? Carol says.

“I’ll deal less than thirteen, then.�?

“Let me look it up, first.�?

“I’ll deal more than eleven, then.�?

“Give me a moment,�? Carol says.

“Can I just keep dealing while you look it up?�? Bob asks.

“Deal slower.  Give me a moment,�? Carol is scanning the rules.

Bob begins to slow down his deal.

“Oh, here it is.  Twelve.  Give everybody twelve cards, Bob.�?

“O.K.,�? Bob answers. “That’s a surprise. I’m going to deal everybody twelve cards.�?

Bob deals everybody twelve cards.

“Now, arrange your cards in your hand, and your buckets on the table, and we can start playing,�? Carol informs us.

“Why are there pigs on some of these cards?�? asks Ken.

“Just ignore the pigs,�? Carol says.

“Ignore them?  You want me to ignore the pigs?�? Ken asks.

“Yes, ignore the pigs.�?

“I like pigs,�? advises Ken.  “Bacon.  Ham.  Sausages.  Pork Chops.  All that good stuff.  We’ll have something tomorrow for breakfast.�?

“We just ate dinner.  How can you be talking about breakfast already?�? Carol asks.

“I like food,�? Ken says.

“Enough of this, you’ve got your cards, now look at them and arrange your buckets, and let’s play.�?

“I’m having fun, are you having fun?�? Ken asks me.

“Fun, fun, fun, that’s what I’m having,�? I tell him.

Ken’s eyes suddenly light up, as something triggers inside him.  Suddenly, he starts to sing, very loudly, “Fun fun fun til my daddy takes my T-Bird awaaaaayyyyyy!�?

Carol stands up, “Oh, good heavens, don’t get him started!�?

“I didn’t do anything, he started on his own!�? I defend myself.

“Help me, Rhonda, help, help me Rhonda!�? warbles Ken. “Help me Rhonda, help help me, Rhonda!�?  Ken is very loud and very off-key.  “Help me Rhonda, help help me Rhonda!�?

“Oh no, oh no, look what you’ve done!�? exclaims Carol.

“What did I do?�? I ask.

“You made him sing!�? Carol cries out.

“Is that bad?�? Diane asks

“Unfortunately,�? says Barbie.  “Did you bring any singing games?�?

“No, not with me, no,�? I tell her.

“There ARE singing games?�? she asks.

“Yes,�? I tell her.

Ken suddenly gets even louder, “HELP ME RHONDA, HELP HELP ME RHONDA, HELP ME RHONDA, HELP HELP ME RHONDA!�?

“Are those the only lyrics he knows?�? I ask.

“Unfortunately, no.  But he tends to get stuck sometimes, like a record,�? Barbie informs us.

“Maybe we should try playing this game later, or tomorrow, when Ken’s a bit more sober,�? I suggest.

“HELP ME RHONDA, HELP HELP ME RHONDA!�? Ken continues to sing.  If that’s what you want to call it.

Now Ken starts to slap the table in supposed-rhythm with his singing.  Boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-boom-boom!  Boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-boom-boom!

The Bucket King buckets fly everywhere off the table onto the floor as Ken continues to pound the table in a frenzied drumbeat. 
Boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-boom-boom!  Boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-shawka-lawka-lawka-boom-boom-boom!

Ken is in his own little world.  And we’re not there with him. Not even close.  Nosirree!

“HELP ME RHONDA!�? Ken gets still louder.  Surely he must be at full volume by now!.  Birds outside take wing.  There are horses at the farm down the street and they start to kick in their stalls, trying to escape.  A herd of cattle on the other side of the island begin to stampede.  Pigs are oinking everywhere.  Earthworms are popping out of the ground and heading for the hills.  I might be mistaken, but I think I can hear the trumpeting of elephants across the water. 

We decide to abandon the game for now.  Maybe tomorrow, we think. 

If we’re lucky.

If we survive.

To be continued.....

© 2005 Rick Thornquist

---

Comments:

No comments yet.

You must register with BGN in order to comment. Registration is free, but if you appreciate the news, previews, reviews and other material posted on Boardgame News, please consider becoming a member to keep the info flowing to your screen!

< Back Home