Valerie Putman:  A Plea to Non-Gamers

Okay, so I realize this plea will largely go unheard.  Non-gamers aren’t on Boardgame News reading columns.  But sometimes a girl needs a place to vent.

Often people claim inaptitude when what they really mean is disinterest.  I’m sure I’m guilty of it.  My students do it all the time.  It sounds something like “I can’t/won’t play games, it’s too hard, and I’m not smart enough.” It might serve the immediate goal of getting you out of the undesired activity, so I understand why you do it, but please find another way.  Try just being honest and saying “I don’t want to play.”

Unfortunately, so many non-gamers have used the “I can’t play games, it’s too hard, and I’m not smart enough” cop out (when I’m sure many of them are really just disinterested and not actually too dumb to play a game), that many gamers actually believe that their wives/girlfriends/significant non-gaming others/relatives/friends are feeble-minded when it comes to gaming.  They make geeklists about the games that are “simple enough” that “even your brother/mother/significant other can play it.”

Non-gamers, if you have no interest in playing games, just say so.  Do not disparage yourself just to avoid the activity—it will only tempt the gamer to try again with a different game in the hopes that one day one of the games will work.  In the meantime, you are creating a negative stereotype that is insulting to the intelligence of non-gamers.

Gamers, it is okay to be persistent in the search for a game that you can share with your friends and loved ones.  If you are eventually successful, it will be worth your efforts.  However, do not be tricked by the “I can’t” non-gamer plea and foolishly believe that you just need to find a game that is dumbed down enough to work.  Just remember the time when you claimed “I can’t paint the bedroom trim, it’s too hard, and I’m not coordinated enough” in order to get out of the DIY project (so that you could instead use single hair paint brushes to add fine details to the miniatures you are painting in the basement).  No, don’t look for a simpler game; instead look for a game with a theme that might be attractive to that person.  Or consider what other hobbies the person has that are at all related to gaming.  Do they like crosswords?  Try Scrabble!  Do they like Sudoku puzzles?  Try one of the hundreds of new Sudoku-themed games that came out.  We all have games that we like and games that we don’t like.  For no good reason, I don’t care for El Grande.  I don’t like Chez Geek or Zombies.  I don’t like games that focus on killing people as the primary victory condition.  If I had a husband that tried to get me to play those games on a regular basis, I might just be tempted to claim “I can’t play Chez Geek, it’s too hard, and I’m not clever enough.â€?  I encourage you to consider that you might need to try a different kind of game, not simply an easier game. 

Gamers, if you have been successful introducing two-player games at home but can’t seem to move beyond that to “true gamerâ€? status, consider that sometimes it isn’t the games themselves that are unattractive, but the other people you game with.  If your friend or loved one has resisted joining your gaming group even though they will play games with you, it might not be that gaming in front of other people is intimidating.  I know—it’s hard to believe.  Especially when they claim that they don’t want to join your game group because they are intimidated!  (Yes, my primary message of this column is to the non-gamers!  Say what you mean!  When you claim to be too dumb and intimidated all the time, the people in your life will start to believe that you are dumb and easily intimidated!) But the truth is, it might be that your friends are not the kinds of people that he/she enjoys being around.  Or perhaps you act differently around your gamer friends and your loved one doesn’t enjoy this other side of your personality.  If you’ve been successful with 2-player games at home but not gaming in larger groups, try selecting a different group. 

Finally, gamers, if your efforts to convert non-gamers don’t work, be thankful for all of the other interests that you share with them.  The people in your life don’t have to love everything that you do.  It doesn’t make them dumb, even when they claim to be.

I’d rather be gaming,
Valerie Putman

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