W. Eric Martin: “What Do You Have to Play?” Asked Tom Gamely

One aspect of life (and fiction) that appeals to me is how a single action can spur a chain of related actions that take you (or a story’s characters) into unexpected locations and fields of research. In fiction, those discoveries interest me far more than what happens to the characters, so I tend to stick with idea-based fiction from authors like Jorge Luis Borges or José Saramago over character-driven fiction.

My favorite books of the last few years, for example, are Helen DeWitt’s The Last Samurai—a novel that blends higher mathematics with Kurasawa’s Seven Samurai as a young genius named Ludo goes searching for his father—and Mark Danielewski’s House of Leaves, which meshes multiple narratives in a gloriously over-designed book that centers around a house that’s larger on the inside than it is on the outside. I know some people view books like these as pretentious and self-indulgent, but seeing those words in a review actually makes me more eager to read the book.

Real life has fewer of those dramatic discoveries that you’ll find in fiction—e.g., my house doesn’t contain magically appearing closets and hidden labyrinths—but given the right circumstances you’ll find yourself waist deep in a topic that you’d never given a moment’s thought to previously. (A Google search on Danielewski’s name, for instance, led me to a previously unknown title of his that appeared in a limited edition from a Dutch publisher. Much investigation ensued, delaying the appearance of this column...)

A real life chain of discovery happened to me and my wife Linda last week when an extraordinarily uninteresting event happened: She finished the book she was reading.

This minor event naturally meant that she needed something new to read, so I scanned our bookshelves for a book she might like as she prefers to read books that others suggest rather than find something on her own. (A couple of gamers in my New Hampshire group operate on the same principle as they’re willing to play any game you suggest while never putting forth a game of their own. I’m content to ride the tide of others’ desires when it comes to dining out, but rarely when the prospect of play lays before me.)

So Linda started reading Haruki Murakami’s Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, and a character’s referral to a high-tech elevator as a “Tom Swift elevator” led to her asking me who Tom Swift might be. Thanks to my experience as a Cub Scout and many years reading Boys’ Life, I knew about Tom Swifties but I had never thought about Tom Swift in any other context. The solution to the Tom Swift mystery turned out to be somewhat boring: TS was a genius inventor who appeared in a series of books starting in 1910 that are published by the Stratemeyer Syndicate and credited to Victor Appleton, which is a pen name for the actual authors, much as Franklin W. Dixon is credited for the Hardy Boys and Carolyn Keene for Nancy Drew.

We quickly lost interest in ol’ Tom, but once I started talking about Tom Swifties, we couldn’t stop thinking about them. A Tom Swifty, for those who aren’t familiar with the term, is a quoted sentence, typically attributed to Tom, that includes a pun relating to what’s quoted. Some examples:

• “My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.
• “I teach at a university,” Tom professed.
• “Who discovered radium?” asked Marie, curiously.
• “I have only diamonds, clubs and spades,” said Tom heartlessly.
• “This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.
• “Ein, zwei, drei, fünf,” said Tom fearlessly.
• “I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

While the pun in a Tom Swifty can reside in the verb, traditionally the pun belongs in the adverb or adverbial phrase, and from my point of view, the more obscure and difficult the pun is to get, the better it is—as long as the pun actually can be gotten!

Linda put aside the Murakami and embarked on an intense evening of Swifty creation, a session that included these sometimes tough to puzzle out gems:

• “Who is that blind singer?” Tom wondered.
• “Either get rid of that boat or we’re leaving,” Tom said rigorously.
• “I am so sick of all these noisy pigeons,” Tom said courageously.
• “We encompass everything,” the yogi said ominously.
• “I can’t believe those insects started their own baseball team,” Tom said beleagueredly.
• “My husband proposed to me in the bathroom,” she said alluringly.
• “I hate poetry,” Tom said frostily.
• “I have explosive diarrhea,” Tom said bombastically.

Can anyone top that last item?! I doubt it, but I’d love to read any Tom Swifties that you can come up with, especially if they’re game-related. Here are two to get your mental gears turning: “Does anyone have any sheep for trade?” asked Tom woodenly; “Make sure you shuffle that deck well,” said Tom cuttingly.

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The most famous ones I can of: “Haven’t we been around this turn three times before?” asked Tom forthrightfully. “I sure do love camping” said Tom intently. Posted by Kris Hall on Sep 11, 2007 at 05:48 AM | #

"The others’ll never guess that I’m impersonating him to get closer to Snow White”, Doc thought Happily. Posted by Scott Tepper on Sep 11, 2007 at 09:57 AM | #

Ah, I remember the good old Tom Swifties!  I love House of Leaves and would be interested to know what you found out about the Dutch book. Danielewski trivia you probably already knew: Pop singer Poe is Danielewski’s sister and her album Haunted has a number of songs inspired by House of Leaves. In other news, I’ve just begun reading The Raw Shark Texts, by Stephen Hall, and it is already bringing back fond memories of House of Leaves. Posted by Brett Myers on Sep 11, 2007 at 10:07 AM | #

My favorite (from a Games contest, I think?): “I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen. Posted by Doug Orleans on Sep 11, 2007 at 10:14 AM | #

Brett Myers wrote: I love House of Leaves and would be interested to know what you found out about the Dutch book. First, that it’s crazy expensive: $100 on Amazon. You can also order directly from the publisher. Second, reviews appear to be mixed, but that’s to be expected. Still worth a look, in my opinion. Thanks for pointing out The Raw Shark Texts. Seeing the term “conceptual fish” was all it took for me to know that I needed it! Posted by W. Eric Martin on Sep 11, 2007 at 10:25 AM | #

"I’ve played enough cards for now,” Tom said wistfully. “My bicycle wheel has melted,” Tom spoke softly. Posted by Thomas Utterback on Sep 11, 2007 at 10:45 AM | #

"I actually prefer the song I recorded for the back of the single,” Tom said, beside himself. Posted by Jeff Allers on Sep 11, 2007 at 11:07 AM | #

I actually have a couple Tom Swift books on my bookshelf...Tom Swift and His Flying Lab, and Tom Swift and His Polar-Ray Dynasphere.  I think they were my father’s when he was growing up.  Anyway, they’re now on my shelf, less than six inches from my copy of House of Leaves (dun dun dunnnnnnn!). Posted by Jon Theys on Sep 11, 2007 at 11:54 AM | #

"You bought the last barrel of oil!” Tom said powerlessly. Posted by Dave Wilson on Sep 11, 2007 at 12:47 PM | #

"Argh!  I can’t leave the board!” Mr. Jack exclaimed enlightenedly. Posted by Dave Wilson on Sep 11, 2007 at 12:53 PM | #

"Oh, Mr. Schacht, will it ever be back in print?” Tom asked powerlessly. “I have the majority in New Castile!” announced Tom grandly. “I’ll play anything!” Tom said gamely. Posted by Greg Daigle on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:21 PM | #

If you like House of Leaves, you might want to check out Jeff VanderMeer’s Ambergris books, particularly City of Saints and Madmen.  It’s also agressively postmodern horror/fantasy. Danielewski also just came out with a new book, Only Revolutions. Posted by S. Deniz Bucak on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:21 PM | #

"I love Die Macher, but I can never win,” Tom said devotedly. Posted by Jimmer Sivertsen on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:22 PM | #

"Oh, I see now you used ‘gamely’ in the title,” Tom seconded. Posted by Greg Daigle on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:24 PM | #

I thought I’d do one for each of my favorite games: “Do you STILL think these little brown counters represent colonists?” Tom asked slavishly. “Ha!  My 10 temple is completely safe!” Tom announced guardedly. “Look at the culture points I got from building Fast Food Chains!” Tom exclaimed wonderingly. “They add two to each work; how could you let him have one so cheaply?” Tom complained jestingly. “I’ll move this counter, plus a weapon, into the battle to capture the third city I need to win!” Tom crowed hoarsely. Posted by Larry Levy on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:29 PM | #

Hey!  This is fun! “The Rondell mechanism was cool at first, but now it’s just overused”, Tom remarked Imperially. “Sorry, no girls allowed in this game!”, Tom laughed gaily. “Whoo, that’s quite a spell you’ve cast on me”, Tom exclaimed charmingly. “What?!  They’ve run out of the Mosquito expansions?” Tom uttered belatedly And I know this isn’t really legal, but it’s fun anyway: “Shoot, I didn’t get my order in in time to get Mike Doyle’s Premium Edition”, Tom complained Caylusly. Posted by Scott Tepper on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:55 PM | #

"I’ll place this lava over your two pieces,” Tom erupted. Posted by Dave Wilson on Sep 11, 2007 at 01:59 PM | #

"It’s the best games convention in the world!” was the essence of Tom’s speech. Posted by Paul Ripley on Sep 12, 2007 at 03:25 AM | #

"I love those Japanese goldfish,” Tom said coyly. “Geez! I think I’m lactating!” Tom expressed. “I’m just burnin’ doin’ the neutron dance,” Tom said pointedly. Posted by Jay Bloodworth on Sep 12, 2007 at 04:09 PM | #

uh-oh, 80’s music.. “Just don’t forget about me!” Tom said simplemindedly. “I’m not walking on sunshine anymore,” Katrina said unwaveringly. By the way, I suddenly remembered once seeing “Tom Swift and His Flying Lab” among my father’s old things.  Funny flashback (hey, that could be 2F game...) Posted by Jeff Allers on Sep 13, 2007 at 01:02 AM | #

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