Greg J. Schloesser:  Too Much Gaming - Part Deux

Two weeks ago, I wrote an article wherein I expressed my belief that folks can spend TOO much time focused on one hobby or aspect in their life.  In our case, I’m more specifically talking about gaming, so will concentrate my responses and diatribes on this aspect.  However, much of what I say could easily apply to other aspects of one’s life, be they good or bad. 

As I mentioned in my last article, I honestly believe that it is quite possible to become obsessed with gaming, letting it dominate your time and thoughts.  I postulate that this is NOT a good thing, as it takes away valuable time from other equally, and perhaps more important aspects of one’s life.  It narrows one’s focus, and limits one’s life.  In my opinion, proper balance must be struck amongst the many aspects one one’s life, including family, friends, church, hobbies, etc. 

I realized that when I wrote the article I was risking offending some folks.  My intention was not to do this, but rather raise a topic that I felt was not being discussed in a formal manner.  I honestly feel that this is a potentially big problem, and could lead to serious trouble within marriages and in people’s personal lives.  I’m writing from some experience, here, as I feel I was dangerously close to teetering over the edge between hobby and obsession, perhaps to the detriment of my marriage and a well-rounded existence. 

I have received numerous thoughtful responses to my article, not all of which were posted to this forum.  I particularly though Ryan Bretsch’s words were quite insightful:

But I have to agree with you.  While I can’t criticize others for doing it, I personally would have a problem with playing games that often.  Or owning more than 40 games.  It almost becomes like watching too much TV, you know?  Get out on that mountain bike, go snorkeling, play some flag football, sip a fine wine or just plain travel..... and yes, get together some friends on occasion and play a boardgame.

In life, it is the myriad of experiences which make living it memorable… boardgames a great social and mental exercise for you and your friends.  But a well-wrounded life for me… involves doing all of the other things as well.

One exchange not posted to this forum was quite good, and I felt it deserved to be discussed here. 

An extremely active gamer expressed the belief that married partners need their own space, and time away from each other can be a good thing.  Valid points.  Here was my lengthy response:

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Ahhh ... here comes the tricky part:  responding without sounding “holier than thou”.  But, I’ll risk it and give it a try.

I’ve never denied married couples need their own “space” and time away from each other.  No doubt, this is very important.  Indeed, I think spending too much time together could also present problems.  Discovering the right balance is the key, just as it is in terms of gaming versus other activities. And, that balance will certainly vary from person-to-person, couple-to-couple.

That being said, spending TOO much time apart can cause problems, too, whether or not this time apart is game-related.  I do think there is a line between loving a hobby and becoming obsessed with it.  (Obsessed = To have the mind excessively preoccupied with a single emotion or topic.) Where that line is located is difficult to discern, and there probably isn’t one universal location— but I do think it can be observed.

I would say that I was dangerously close to being obsessed with gaming ... and perhaps I even was.  I spent WAY too much money on games in the mid 90’s, and was spending WAY too much time playing games and on game-related activities.  Whenever I attended a function with family or friends, I somehow wanted games to be involved.  If they weren’t, I wasn’t truly happy.  It never caused major problems with my wife, but we did have disagreements over the amount I was spending, the size of my collection, and, on occasion, the amount of time I was spending typing reports and participating on online gaming forums.  As in most disputes of this nature, I denied it and tried to continue unabated.

Fortunately, I did eventually recognize that I was spending too much time trying to keep up with and participate on every forum.  I also realized that I didn’t need every new game that was released, and, indeed, could whittle down my collection to a much smaller level.  I also came to the realization that I didn’t need to attend every gaming convention or get-together—even though I wanted to (and still do!) While I LOVE gaming—and everyone knows I do—I also thoroughly enjoy other activities and functions that don’t involve gaming.  I love hiking, playing basketball, reading, going to dinner with friends, participating in church and church-related activities, watching good movies, and just sitting on the couch chatting with my wife—or simply cuddling with her while watching TV.  I also love spending time with my daughter, but since she is still in her teen-age years, that option doesn’t present itself very often!

My point is that every hour I spend gaming, while enjoyable, is an hour I am not doing something else I enjoy.  I’m not going to give up gaming, as it is very enjoyable and a fantastic social activity, but I am trying to balance the time spent gaming versus other activities.  For me, that is vital.

I attend 2 Gulf Games, the Gathering, Essen and the Oasis of Fun.  Total, that’s about 24 FULL days at gaming conventions.  I also tend to get together a few weekends a year for extended gaming weekends with friends. That is probably another 8 days per year.  Add to this my weekly sessions with the East Tennessee Gamers, once-a-month SAGA meeting, and the 6 - 8 hours I spend each week writing reports, reviews, articles and commentary, and you have a stunning amount of time spend on game-related activities.  That is time away from work and other activities.  That is a LOT of time ... and quite frankly, probably too much time.  I probably should cut back even more than I already have.

Fortunately, my wife now participates in many of these activities (except the writing and game forum parts).  She doesn’t go to Essen or participate in the weekend events, and will be attending her first Gathering and Oasis this year, but only for part of the former.  So, she is participating and we are spending part of this time together, and that has made it easier.  Still, it is time away from other activities and interests.

Does all of my activity qualify as an “obsession”.  Probably.  If I added all of the other conventions that you are fortunate to attend, then my answer would be “most definitely”.  Is an obsession in-and-of-itself a bad thing?  Maybe not.  However, I am always wary of any obsession, as by its nature, obsessions can dominate one’s entire life.  I’m not sure if any one thing should dominate one’s life.

If you and your spouse are happy with the amount of time you spend gaming and on game-related activities, and you don’t feel you are short-changing other aspects of your life, then kudos to you.  I am not trying to tell folks they must behave in a particular manner or structure their life in certain ways in order to be truly happy.  I am, however, expressing concern that some folks seem to let gaming dominate their life to the detriment of other equally, and perhaps more important aspects.  That is the intent of my article.

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The moral of my story?  Seek balance.  Don’t let one aspect of your life dominate all others.  Regularly experience the wide variety of what life has to offer.  Of course, play games, but also do other things on a regular basis that don’t involve games.  Spend non-gaming time with your family and friends.  Go hiking or bicycling.  Play sports, read books.  Sip fine wines.  Go to the movies and dinner.  Get involved in your church and community organizations.  Experience life to its fullest.  Don’t let games—or any other aspect, for that matter—dominate your life and become an obsession. 

The irony of this?  I depart on Monday evening for five full days of gaming at Alan Moon’s Gathering of Friends!  :o)

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