Media Watch: How to Sex an Abalone

From a Ryan Bradley article in The Atlantic:

1. Pick up the abalone. This may require prying the abalone from its hold, and using a stainless steel putty knife is recommended.

But let’s back up for a minute, because maybe you’re wondering, What is an abalone? Or, Isn’t it a board game? And maybe, Why should I care about the sex of a board game you crazyperson? To answer: It is both a sea snail and a board game. But you can’t sauté the board game in butter or sell it for $50 a pound in Japan. People don’t form international smuggling rings or get themselves eaten by great white sharks over the board game.

Au contraire, Mr. Bradley – everyone knows that the easiest way to slide those marbles down your windpipe is to coat them liberally with a beurre blanc. As for becoming a shark meal out of desire for a board game, well, maybe someone else can speak to that…

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