W. Eric Martin: Have You Stopped Beating Your Wife?

So, Spiel – I suppose that I should write a paragraph or twenty about the show, having spent four days in Germany checking out dozens of new games, but I’ve had to catch up on other work since returning and have had time to write about games only in the past few hours. As a result, I thought I’d focus on only one game in this column and leave the rest of the material for later reports.

One of the consistent elements of Spiel – one aspect that makes the show what it is – is the search for the unexpected wonder, for the game that pulls your mind in a new direction. Every time you encounter someone new in the halls, you ask, “What’s the best thing you’ve played?” When people asked me this on Thursday and Friday, I had little to say since I had played few games, instead spending time talking to designers and publishers. Tobago had struck me the right way – a feeling confirmed by two subsequent plays – and Tikal II had everything that you’d want in a Kramer/Kiesling design other than being published and available (the game is due out in 2010 from GameWorks), but neither of these games seemed like a good answer.

Thankfully I found the answer Saturday afternoon while helping to demo games at the BoardGameGeek booth, that magical game being Aargh!Tect, a Walter Obert design that I had somehow not heard of despite writing a Spiel preview that ran to several hundred pages. As often happens at Spiel, we played with somewhat dicey rules as Scott Alden, aka Aldie, had played once or seen people playing or watched mimes interpreting the rules or received a telegraph that summarized the rules. We knew some percentage of the game play anyway and winged it for the rest, using our gamer-fu to fill in the holes. Thus I might be wrong on the specifics of game play, but I don’t care because I had so much fun playing the game. (English rules will supposedly be available on the Heidelberger Spieleverlag website by mid-November 2009.)

So what’s going on in Aargh!Tect? You are a caveman and you’re trying to build something. Hunting? Gathering? That’s yesterday’s news – you’re onto something bigger now, something modern, something monumental. Problem is, however, that you haven’t developed language beyond a handful of primitive grunts and gestures, which means you’re going to have a tough time getting workers to assemble your dream structure. But armed with determination – and a giant club – you still might be able to build big.

Players are split into teams of two, with one player being the architect and holding a blueprint for the structure to be built, and the other player being the laborer. The game includes two sets of five wooden pieces and one cardboard platform, with two teams playing simultaneously to complete their own individual blueprint. (Please remember that I’m freestyling the rules.)

Your vocabulary is limited due to your neanderthal brain, so you have only six commands to communicate with your worker, but each word means two things. Say “Ugungu!” once, and the worker should pick up one of the building materials; say it twice, and the person should put it down. To communicate which piece to pick up, you have to add some body movements: swiveling your hips for the green piece, stomping your feet for the white one, and so on. So you stomp and “Ugungu!” to have the worker pick up the white piece, then keep stomping and “Ugungu! Ugungu!” to have him put it down, then stomp and “Kaghingu!” to have him move it to the left, and so on.

Unfortunately, your worker is also kind of a dope, what with being a neanderthal and all, so he might not catch all the nuances of your “Manungu"s and other frantic motions. Thus, you’re armed with a giant inflatable club with pointy inflatable spikes. If your worker does everything right, you rap him once on the head to praise and encourage him. If you screws up, though, you hit him twice. This is genius as after the first hit, the worker tenses a bit waiting to see whether another blow is coming. Is the architect pleased or furious? From the architect’s side, you get a kick out of bopping someone in praise. I saw many brothers and sisters whacking each other with glee whenever I walked through Hall 9 at Spiel, Aargh!Tect serving as this fantastic conduit for their interaction.

Once a team completes its building, the players keep it to score points worth the value of the card, with some cards being more valuable – and more difficult – than others. I don’t know when the game ends or how you decide who wins, but such details seem beside the point given how much fun the game itself is. You feel like a complete idiot dancing around and waving and screaming this nonsense, yet you’re dying with laughter at the same time. I’ve seen comments from a few folks about the game being too silly, and it’s like, geez, climb out of your grave and have some fun, Grandpa!

So there you have it: the best game that I played at Spiel 09, a stupid bit of nonsense that was fun and surprising and different. My only regret is that my luggage was already filled with tons of other games that don’t require you to hit people with inflatable clubs, so I didn’t buy a copy at the show. No matter – I’ve since ordered a copy and look forward to beating my wife soon. The red one, woman! Move it forward!

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